My Healer
by calltheangels
Summary: Harry realizes that he is not attracted to females. Now he is trying to figure out how to let his girlfriend and best friend Ginny down of a year dating. Meanwhile, Harry has his eye on Draco Malfoy. A few dark themes. Mild language, and NO lemons.
1. revelation

*****Alright, so I looked around the archives for a love story involving harry potter and draco malfoy... what i found slightly disgusted me. basically, this is my take on harry and draco hooking up, in a tactful way. Dont get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with smut, but i'm partial to a nice love story :)**

**Originally this was going to be a one-shot, but I couldn't leave the ending like that. So viola! There it is, the first chapter. I hope to updated really soon (probably in the next week). Hope you like it! Please review, and please leave me some criticism! That's why there are green buttons that say "review." and please, if you find any typos or spelling/grammar errors, let me know! Thanks!*****

**original concept belongs to jk rowling. obviously/**

Draco Malfoy. He was my rival. My enemy. He was the bane of my existence.

_Fuck, Harry. Why won't you admit it? You don't love Ginny, because you're far too enamored with Draco to really give a damn. _

The other half of my subconscious waged war on me.

_Harry, you're engaged to Ginny. You're going to move in with her after she graduates, and get married and have kids. Like a straight person. Because you are STRAIGHT and like CHICKS. _

I could barely think that with a straight face. Haha, no pun intended.

_Harry, face it. You're GAY, without a doubt._

I gazed down into my goblet of pumpkin juice, lost in thought. It was breakfast time, and Great Hall was full of students and teachers, enjoying the first meal of the day. The sounds of my peers became a dull buzzing as I clutched my goblet. I was too lost in my head to notice anyone.

I was gay. I couldn't deny it. I liked dudes, and I really liked one in particular.

"Hey Harry!" Ginny, my girlfriend of over a year, sat down next to me, pulling me out of my revere.

"Hey Gin." Admittedly, Ginny was cute, adorable even. I liked her, enjoyed her company, but…she killed my libido. The thought of having a girl in my bed, well, disgusted me. I wasn't sure if it was just me, but my opinion was that the female reproductive organ bears a certain resemblance to a black hole. I had no idea how I had faked the last year with her.

"What's up, Harry? You look ill." Ginny was perceptive, especially when it came to someone's mental state of well being. As I stated, I couldn't believe she hadn't figured me out yet.

"Um, I didn't sleep well. I was up late, studying for the NEWTS." I was in my 7th year, and was getting ready to take my final exams. I was originally shooting to be an Auror, but with Voldemort dead, I didn't feel the need. I didn't have any sort of plan or any goals, really. I just wanted to get my last year of school over with, and figure out my life from there.

Ginny frowned. "Are you sure? There's a nasty flu going around. Maybe we should cancel our plans for Hogsmede this weekend, just so you can get some rest." Ginny was for all intents and purposes a walking medical encyclopedia, as it was her goal in life to become a healer.

_Goals, Harry. You need them. _I pushed away my subconscious self-ridicule.

I smiled. "Always the little Healer, aren't you?" Ginny was a passionate young woman who I had a tremendous amount of respect for. She was one of my best friends...which was way I was so hesitant to tell her about my real orientation. I didn't want to lose my friend. After all, Ron was all but gone mentally after the war ended. He hardly recognized anyone, except for his fiancé, Hermione. Hermione was my other close friend in school, and she was torn up over losing Ron. Rather than pulling herself out of school and withdrawing from the wizarding world, she took her final exams at the start of the fall term, passing all of them with flying colors. She was training to become a Healer. I had a feeling it was her commitment to Ron that motivated her; she wanted to fix Ron and bring him back to life. I still talked to her every couple of weeks by owl, but judging but the tone of her last letter, she was tired, wore out, but still determined to, despite that fact Ron was still lying in St. Mungo's and was as lifeless as ever. This left me with Ginny as my only real friend at Hogwarts.

Ginny was as damaged by the war as I was, having lost her brothers Fred and Ron, and felt just as guilty as I did. For that reason alone, we sought comfort in the other. At first, our relationship was entirely emotional; I hardly kissed her in the first six or seven months. She slowly started wanting more from me, wanting more than what I could give her.

Ginny smirked. "Of course. Someone has to look out for you."

_Which reminds me, where is he?_

I glanced around for the person I had been looking out for, and found him, sitting alone at the Slytherin table.

_Draco._ The very thought of his name was musical, and I longed to say it aloud and let it roll off my tongue. I wanted to call out his name, whisper it while we were in the dark, alone, with his bare body under mine….

_GODDAMNIT HARRY! GET A GRIP!!! _

I shook my head, and lowered my gaze, registering that I was openly staring at him. It was a thoughtless thing to do.

He was so beautiful, it was hard not to fall into a trance. I glanced back up at him and furrowed my brow, examining him closer.

He looked sick, very sick actually. He had dark shadows under his eyes, and his pale skin had a faint green tint to it. He sat there, gazing off into space. He looked blazed. I contemplated for a moment if Muggle drugs- like weed, heroin, and pills- would do anything to someone with magical blood in their veins. The last summer I spent at the Dursleys, Dudley came home several times stoned, and in the one instance he'd done meth, he stayed up for two days straight cleaning his room- he blamed it on his low caffeine tolerance and consumption of Red Bull, and of course my aunt and uncle bought it. I rolled my eyes at their stupidity and insolence.

Draco looked as if he had spent a night out with Dudley. A grin played at my lips. _Draco, the bad boy druggie. _The idea of it was hilarious. I fought back my smirk, remembering Ginny watching me for signs of ill-health.

I shrugged at Ginny. "I'm sure it's nothing." I downed the last of my pumpkin juice. "I better get going. Potions…" I sighed. It was not my best subject, and the dungeons always brought my mood down a few notches, even when I was sunny and cheerful.

"Alright." Ginny leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Love you."

I kissed her on the top of her head as I stood up to leave. "You too."

_How can you tell her that?_ I let the waves of guilt wash over me, knowing that every time I claimed to love her back was yet another future scar on her heart.

_You can't lie to her forever._

I walked out of the Great Hall, wondering when I would have to take back my words. I watched Draco out of the corner of my eye, and I thought I saw him glance in my direction.

**A/N: I wanted to include Ron and Hermione in the plot without them actually affecting Harry's judgment and instinct. Like a "monkey see-monkey do" type thing; if Harry watched Ron and Hermione have a relationship beyond friendship, he might look at himself as being weird, and would stick with Ginny to fit in, especially after a lifetime of stardom. The recent end of the war would also contribute to Harry's desperate need for an ounce of normality. Another thing to consider- Harry would feel pressured to stay with Ginny because she is his best friend's sister. So the only way for Harry to discover that he is indeed gay would be to take Ron out of the picture; consequently Hermione would be removed because she would fight for Ron. So, there is my long winded explanation. Don't worry though- I suspect Ron and Hermione will resurface later on. ;) **


	2. sick

**A/N: Alright, so this is a very early update on my part. I realize this chapter is sort of dull, but I needed a reason for Harry and Draco to come together. Reviews wanted!! **

I made my way down to the dungeons. I shivered inwardly. It was cold, damp, and smelled incredibly like wet dog. Of course, maybe the fact that I had spent five years of my life down in the dungeons, tortured and ridiculed by the now dead potions master, Snape had something to do with it. Voldemort got his hands on Snape, and killed him. I could never decide if that made me sad or morbidly happy, seeing as how he was playing both sides of the war.

I walked into the classroom, and discovered I was ridiculously early. In fact, I was the only one in the classroom. I went to my usual table in the back, where I could watch all that was going on and where people would leave me alone. Oh yes, people still stared at me, quite openly in fact. I shrugged off their questioning stares, knowing that they were mainly curious.

I sat there, enjoying the solitude and quiet. It gave me a chance to think freely.

_How am I going to tell Ginny without upsetting her? Is it possible to remain friends with her? _I groaned at the headache that suddenly sprung up. I felt terrible. Ginny wasn't a pain in the ass, or a burden. I doubted if she would pick up on that. Under a tough façade was a painfully insecure girl. I prayed I wouldn't contribute to her mental list if imperfections and flaws.

_You know you will._

People slowly made their way into the classroom, taking their seats, chatting it up. I watched everyone, their excitement for the weekend rolling off them in sheets. Hogsmede weekends were always a welcome break from reality. Something told me I would be spending the weekend in the Gryffendor common room, studying. Or sleeping. It just depended on the level of my guilt.

_Just tell Ginny you need some rest, and to go have some fun with her girlfriends. Luna would enjoy the company too. You need some time away from her._

I glanced up in time to see Draco stumble into the room. He looked worse than he had at breakfast.

"Alright! Class has started! Settle down now, I know the weekend is on your minds, but we need to _focus_. Your NEWTS are only two months away!" Professor Slughorn appeared in the room, and everyone fell silent. The class was a mix of the houses, with everyone in seventh year. There were three Slytherins, four Ravenclaws, two Hufflepuffs, and seeing as Ron and Hermione were the only other people from my house to make it into potions, I was the sole Gryffendor.

We spent the next two hours attempting to brew up a truth potion. No one had a handle on it, not even Draco. He looked the most lost and confused out of everyone. I wanted to go over to him and help, but knew that it would spark suspicion and conspiracy theories. So I watched him through the smoke than arose from my cauldron.

_God, he looks like hell… _I knocked over a bottle of some ingredient close by. I jumped at the sound of breaking glass. Fortunately, no one heard or saw me, and I spelled away the mess. I shook my head, scolding myself. _Better be more careful, Harry._

Slughorn came around and started exaiming our potions. He commended our attempts, but sent us away with the warning of "If you don't focus more, you're going to absolutely fail at your NEWTS."

I started walking to the Gryffendor common room, when I saw a certain white-haired head out of the corner of my eye. I watched Draco stagger into the bathroom. I stood stock still in the hallway while people pushed their way around me.

It was quiet. No one was around. I stood there debating.

_You really should go and leave here before he comes out and sees you want him to think that you're stalking him?_

On the other hand-

_He could be really sick. He could need some help. _

I bit my lip. Draco could surely take care of himself, right?

I knew he could, but instinctively, I was positive he might need a little help from someone.

I casually walked into the bathroom, making it a point to not rush. I heard retching noises coming from a stall.

_Ugh. I hate when people throw up. It's disgusting…._

I peered into the stall and saw Draco heaving, head hanging into the toilet bowl. I wanted to kneel down next to him, rub his back and brush the hair from his eyes. I stayed where I was, just watching.

Draco pulled himself out of the toilet. He was panting, and the sweat was poring off of him in sheets.

"Dr- Malfoy?" I corrected myself. "Are you alright?"

Draco turned his head to look at me. "Oh. It's just you." He panted. "What do you want?" He gripped the porcelain with white knuckles. It was taking him a great effort to keep himself propped up.

"I came in here to piss." I was trying to play to cool, tough. The last thing I wanted to do was to let him know that a harbored feelings for him, considering we had been rivals up until last summer.

I paused. "You look like shit, man. Do you need the hospital?"

Draco was about to reply when he put his head back in the toilet to throw up again. I felt awful, knowing there was nothing I could do to help.

When he was done with that bout of retching, he laid his head down on his arms. He was shivering slightly.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to help him.

"Draco, you need the hospital. Come on. Let me help you up." He remained where he was. I kneeled down next to him and slipped his arm around my shoulder. He didn't fight me; in fact he pressed more weight into me.

"Can you stand?" Draco nodded, and stood on his feet. He swayed a little, and fell back into me.

_God, he's weak._ Admittedly, I enjoyed the feeling of holding him up, of simply having him in my arms. But the fact that he could hardly hold himself up was enough to motivate me to get moving.

We left that bathroom, and slowly made our way to the hospital wing. I place a lot of emphasis on the slowly. I was thankful that class was in for most other students. I didn't need prying eyes. Neither did Draco.

I decided to try and talk to him while we walked. It seemed he was slowly slipping in and out of consciousness.

"Draco? Hey, are you sick?" I felt beyond retarded asking that question. It was obvious he was very sick. I clarified. "Is it the flu?" He shook his head, and I felt his body tremble. Then it dawned on me.

"Are you on drugs? Muggle drugs?"

He nodded. "In my pocket…Please, get rid of it." His voice was a mere whisper. I reached in his pocket and pulled out a bottle of tiny white pills. I groaned, and put the bottle in my pocket.

We reached the hospital wing. "Madame Pomfrey!" I yelled. Pomfrey came running, and had me place Draco on an empty bed.

It was heartbreaking to me. This boy with the angelic face looked broken. Too weak to fight. His face was an ashen gray color. Beads of sweat rolled off his forehead. He was still shaking.

"How did you find him, Potter?" Pomfrey asked me sharply.

"In a bathroom. I found him retching." I decided to remain ambiguous about the situation. I was sure she could fix whatever was wrong with him without me telling her about the pills.

Indeed, within half an hour, Draco was sleeping, his face was regaining color, and he wasn't shaking. I was glad Pomfrey chalked it up to "Nerves, anxiety, and lack sleep." She left me alone with him, seeing to other patients.

I sat in a chair next to Draco's bed. I reached out and took his hand in mine, interlacing our fingers. I wanted to be the one he saw when he first woke up. Only when he started to stir did I sit back in my chair.

Draco wasn't waking up. He was in the middle of a dream. And not a very pleasant one at that. He kept murmuring, whimpering in his sleep. "Bellatrix, no. No.." He twisted his sheets around him, entangled so he couldn't move. "No, please, no. NOOOO!" He awoke screaming.

"Draco! Draco! Stop, it's alright! Please, calm down!" I grabbed his shoulders and shook him. He stopped screaming, and looked up into my face. And for one wild moment, I thought he was going to kiss me.

**A/N: I had no idea how to end this chapter, so I stuck with a cliffhanger. Haha, everyone's favorite, right? **

**Now review to your heart's content!!!**


	3. putty

A/N- OK, short chapter. Sorry I wasn't sure where to go with this.

I stood there, holding Draco by the shoulders, marveling at how close we were. We'd never been in this close of proximity before.

I let go of his shoulders and stepped back. Draco was sweating again, though it appeared it was a thin sheen rather then the sheets that had pored off him earlier. He was also breathing a little heavy, but I assumed it was him trying to calm himself.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, still standing.

Draco ran a hand through his hair. He looked confused, tired, and- my heart jumped into my throat when I saw- he was scared.

"Just, just a bad dream."

"Looked more like a nightmare to me. A damn terrifying one at that." I sat down. "How long have they been going on?"

He looked away from me. "Since _he_ died." He stared at the wall, as if it was interesting. "Seems so stupid to me. _You_ killed him He'd dead. There's no danger anymore. But I keep having these dreams at night. It's bad enough to live through that once. Why am I being forced to live through it at night too?" His eyes were oddly bright, and I doubted if he even remembered I was there.

A tear fell, sliding down his cheek. "Why?" He whispered. My heart ached. All I wanted to do was hold him.

Draco suddenly remembered I was there. He wiped his cheek with his palm and glared at me. "Why do you care? Are you here to have a laugh at me, Harry? Is it some sick pleasure for you, watching people at their worst?"

I was pissed. Not that he would know, but I _did _care. Immensely. I couldn't understand why that seemed so foreign to him

_You've supposedly hated each other for seven or eight years. Give him a break. _

I took a breath. "I'm not here to have a laugh at you. I'm here because, well, I thought you might need a friend." I waited for his response, tensing up.

He gave a grimace which I took as an attempt at a smile. "Perhaps." His voice was just above a whisper. He gave me a rather piercing stare. "I suppose you need one too."

I was like gelatin. Putty in his gaze. He knew he had me pegged.

I was as lonely as him.

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	4. Diluted

**AN- I know this chapter is short, but the next one is going to be lengthy! I had to split it up a little bit!**

**Enjoy :D Review**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did I wouldn't be worried about paying for college right now XD**

I felt tears form in the corner of my eyes. I blinked them away. _Draco does not need your baggage. He needs your help. _

"It's always nice to have a friend." I chose my words carefully. I didn't want him to think I was weak.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "You have friends, Harry. You have Weasley, Granger, and the entire fucking world adores you. You are not alone." He looked down at his forearm, scowling at the dark mark. "Because of _this_, this blemish, people won't look me in the eye. People are scared shitless of me. People are afraid of me. My friends either are dead or are in Azkaban. I have no one. No one."

His tone was apathetic, but behind it was something deeper, darker. _Resentment? Bitterness? Or maybe… fear._

_Congratulations Harry. You're a fucking genius. Of course he's afraid. You are. _

I was burning with the desire to hold Draco, to reach out and comfort him. He was fighting demons, rotting in his own personal hell; his brain was a battlefield and his soul was a bloody casualty, struggling to stay alive amongst the carnage.

We both had seen our fair of share of horror. The war gave us that much common ground. We were both beyond fucked up in the head. We needed someone who would understand.

We had each other. _Now to make him see._

"Well, I'm here. Not out of guilt or pity. I want to hear your side of the story. Draco, you're not alone in the world. I might've held a certain dislike for you, but I am past all of that. So," I pulled the bottle of pills out of my pocket and shook them. "Explain these."

Draco's eyes widened. He opened his mouth, closed it, shook his head, and balled his hands into fists. "Please, tell me. I'm not going to hurt you, or use it against you. Please, trust me?"

He sighed, resolve apparently crumbling. "They're sleeping pills." He ran a hand through his hair roughly and wouldn't look at me. "Meant for Muggles. I went to a Muggle Healer and he gave me these."

"Why do you need them?

"I, I have terrible dreams. Nightmares, night _terrors_ as the Healer called it. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to. I was on the verge of a collapse. They helped. At first. Then they weren't as potent. Maybe the magical blood dilutes them. I took 10 of them last night, and it did nothing. I was scared to sleep, because without the pills, the dreams came back. I didn't want to relive everything again. It hurts." He whimpered. "Oh god, it hurts."

I reached for his hand. He looked at me as another tear fell. "Tell me everything."

_Let me be your Healer. _

**Please review! It makes me feel loved :D **


	5. Sleep

**A/N- I'm really sorry I haven't updated in a while. I broke up with my fiancé, and it's been a pretty rough time. However, I want to keep running with this story, so here's another chapter. Ridiculously short….but hey, gotta start somewhere, right?**

Draco sighed. He looked drained already.

_Maybe now isn't the best time for this conversation. _

"You're exhausted. You need to sleep." Draco nodded , rubbing his eyes. "Look, I won't push you to talk to me…but I think you need to. Just not today, not right at this moment." Draco nodded his head, and laid back down.

"Get some sleep, Draco." I stood up from my chair and turned to leave.

"Harry?" I turned back to Draco.

"Stay with me. Please?" He was sitting up and he looked almost…frantic.

_Who are you to deny him?_

"Sure." I walked back to my chair and sat down.

He gave me a weak smile. "Thank you." I sat there in my chair watching him. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was asleep.

I was baffled. Amazed and astonished. _How did my enemy become my dearest friend? _

He had hated me. Now he asked me to stay with him. I wanted to curl up in that bed with him, stroke his blonde hair, and wake up with him in my arms. I couldn't.

_Strictly platonic. Don't fool yourself. The last thing he needs is to find out that his newfound friend is newfoundly gay. _

_Oh God. _

It hadn't occurred to me that Draco might mistake genuine concern for me hitting on him. That could be a terrible thing.

I have no idea how long I had been watching him when Draco stirred in his sleep. "He-help. Please. No, not him. No…" He murmured in his sleep.

I could see why he had trouble sleeping. I stood up and gently shook Draco awake.

He woke with a start. "It was just a dream."

Draco smiled faintly, already descending back into unconsciousness. He whispered barely loud enough for me to hear, "Safe. You're safe."

**Review pretty please?**


	6. letter

-And after months of writing nothing… a new chapter! -

Draco was out of the hospital wing the next morning. I left his side at daybreak so I could make it to my classes.

_Space. Space is good._

I didn't want him to think I was a stalker of some sort. I remember when Viktor Krum was creeping on Hermione- it wasn't a pleasant experience for anyone. Ron actually decked Krum right in the face. I smirked at the memory. Ron always had a temper, and made any situation a bit more comical. _Too bad he's a vegetable now. _

Poor Hermione. So damn stubborn; she would never fully get over losing Ron. That was the worst way to lose somebody you care about- You have a living breathing body to look after; only a hollow shell of the person you used to care for- or still care for, rather. I doubt you just stop caring about someone after they're gone.

At least with a dead man there's a body to bury.

I walked into the Gryffindor common room and rubbed my eyes. I needed to write Hermione. If there was one person I could talk to, it'd be her.

I grabbed my bag and sat down at a table and started writing.

Hermione-

Well. I've confirmed it. I'm gay. I like men. I know you had your theories, and it turns out they're correct. This isn't the problem though. My main problem is who I'm, well, crushing on. (That sounds so…girly.) (No offense.). It's Draco…And what about Ginny? What do I tell her? I'm at a loss, 'Mione. What am I supposed to do? Hope all is well for you. If you need anything, let me know.

-Harry

I sealed up the letter and took it to the Owlery. A barn Owl took my letter and left. I went downstairs to the Great Hall to finally eat something. I was starving- I hadn't had anything since yesterday morning.

I sat down at the first empty chair I found. Thankfully, it was still early enough that most people were sleeping. I poured myself a goblet full of orange juice and piled scrambled eggs on my plate.

"So. Where were you yesterday?"

I choked on my drink. Ginny sat down right next to me and peered at me with intent eyes.

_Shit! Think of something to tell her!_

"Sleeping. Wasn't feeling well."

"Ah…" Ginny didn't buy it. I could already tell. "Well, glad you're feeling better."

The rest of breakfast went on in the same tense manner.

_You need to figure something out, and fast. A pissed off Ginny is not a pleasant one to have around. _

Draco walked by twice. I swear I saw his gaze linger longer than necessary.


End file.
